He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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