did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
