operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why can't burritos get me drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
