your thong is hanging out like whoa
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
