Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am one with the molecules
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
