used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
