You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
