U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
