I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
