so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
