just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
