im about as happy as oj after his trial
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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