She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
