dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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