Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think im going to throw up on grandma
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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