he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
