Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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