We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
why is half of my head shaved?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
