You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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