Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
