I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
