I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
