i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
