grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
