I think I died a long time ago.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's like iHOP with fire
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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