I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the condom got lost in my hair
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize