Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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