I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
