Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
