omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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