I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dignity is for republicans.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
