In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
