Me. At least after what I've been through.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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