guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
