i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
