I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
