You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
