I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
