Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
