Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
