I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
