Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
