i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
