i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
