so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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