bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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