if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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