I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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