I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
