in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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