Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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