Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
