i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
