It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
