your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
