do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can you bring me the toilet please
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize