just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
