When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
