from now on my penis is your penis
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
