he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
