my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
