every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
