woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
