mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
