I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think your dad took our porno
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
