She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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