A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
