she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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