thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
