12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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