those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
