I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
